I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
