grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
