Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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