My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
