Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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