I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
