Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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