I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize