your thong is hanging out like whoa
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
