it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
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You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
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Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap