First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places