i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize