mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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