are you wasted or are you getting laid?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor