Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I have post one night stand depression
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