i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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