she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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