I haven't been this sober since birth.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
