(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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