Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
