It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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