My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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