You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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