does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize