HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
