How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
