He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
