I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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