Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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