My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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