i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
