I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
