ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
