I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
