My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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