I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
