do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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