Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I am spending my child support on dildos
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
