Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
