I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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