i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
