just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i think i have two assholes
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
