I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize