how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
