normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
