maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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