my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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