just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
