Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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