Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
