before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
