Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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