your parents love me but you hate me
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
