I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
