So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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