I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize