No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
