I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
