I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
