Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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