Grow some girl-balls and come out already
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
