i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
now i know why i became what i already was.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Randomize
