Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
