i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
