His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
found the other keg... it's in the tree
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Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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