Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
