I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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