I just pynch a tree in the face
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
