were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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