I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
