VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
