where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
its not stalking. its research.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
