it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My penis needs a shock collar
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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