I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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