he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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