whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
