I want to make a zoo with you.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
