That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
